Jan 1, 2010: Solemnity of the Blessed Virgin Mary, the Mother of God
(Photo: A child from Bulgaria adopted by this loving mother)As the Solemnity of Mary the Mother God approached, a question came up in my mind. What moves a mother to love her child? Looking back in my teenage years, I gave my mother plenty of grief. I went through a stage where I resented my mother 'mothering' me. I believed that I knew more than she did or my dad; simply put, I was way more cool than they were. Looking back, it's amazing how they put up with my arrogance and pride. An image that described me at that time was a porcupine with sharp needles which poked if you came too close to it. I did have a soft belly, and only my mother knew that. Despite my prickliness she saw through my pretensions and loved me, even if it caused her pain. That's the mystery of motherhood, isn't it? If we looked back all of us can recall the times when we hurt our own mother by our own porcupine needles.
The deeper mystery is, what moves a mother to love a child that is not her own flesh. From our perspective, this seems to be what Blessed Mother is doing for us; why does Blessed Mother loves us even when we are not from her own flesh? Or, are we? To understand this mystery, I asked a parishioner from my previous parish if I can share her story of her son. This story goes back to 2004 when the tragic tsunami in December 2004 tore through South East Asia. This tragedy caused not only loss of homes and lives, but loss of many mothers for many children. This parishioner had a profound desire to help, despite already having three children. She believed that in her heart and in the hearts of her family members there was still room at the inn for more love. Her husband, however, was against the idea. Yet, there would come a day when his heart would also change.
Her husband was working in Japan at that time. She signed him up to help out at a picnic for Japanese orphans. He had a wonderful time spraying kids with water and eating hot dogs. At the end of the day, it was time for everyone to leave, and he felt a knot tightening in his stomach. After a day of fun these kids weren't going back to their parents; they had to go back to their orphanage. That night, the faces of these children were ingrained in his mind. Next morning, he called up his wife if she was still considering adoption. Thus began a very long and difficult adoption process. The mother and father wanted to adopt a boy around five, but the Japanese government offered a newborn girl. The family was not prepared for such a young baby. Then the government offered them a one year old boy. The parents agreed to meet him.The first day that mom and dad were to meet their new son, they were brimming with anticipation. But their new son was not so excited. He screamed and cried at the mere sight of them. He hid behind toys and clung to his caregiver. He had never seen Caucasians before. That day, the new parents felt dejected and discouraged. Gradually through more visits, their new son began to engage in play with them and to even love cuddling. Eventually, when it was time for his mother to leave, this son would cry out, "Mama!" and dissolve into sobs. And how amazing it was that this child was not taught to say "Mama." It was unbelievably painful to spend time with this child only to be forced to abandon him repeatedly for a period of time. In Japan, the child you are paired with does not come home with you directly. Instead, you must have repeated visits at the orphanage then gradual visits at your own home.
On Thanksgiving Day, this child spent the first day at their house. His father took him to his very first train ride. And he loved it. This special holiday marked the day when their new son bonded with the whole family and shared a joyous meal. Even after adoption, the whole family spent time volunteering at orphanage events. Two years later, his mother describes her relationship with her son: "He is very attached to me and I worry about his fear that I will abandon him. Sometimes just separating to go to the grocery store is difficult for him. I know our bond as mother and son is truly cemented, especially when he holds my face in his tiny hand and says 'I love you too much mommy.'"
What moves a mother to love a child who is not of her flesh? What moved Blessed Mother to love us children who is not of her own flesh? St. Paul's letter to the Galatians explains that through Jesus who was born of Blessed Mother, ransomed all of us so that we might be adopted as sons and daughters. And as a proof that we have become sons and daughters, God sent the Holy Spirit into our hearts, crying out "Abba, Father!" So we are no longer a slave but sons and daughters, and if children, then we are also heirs, through God. If the Church proclaims out loudly that today is the feast of the Blessed Mother as the Mother of God, then we who are adopted sons and daughters of God all have also been adopted by the Mother of God.
Hence St. Therese of Lisieux says about Blessed Mother:
The treasures of a mother belong to her child,
And I am your child, O my dearest Mother.
Aren’t your virtues and your love mine too ?
So when the white Host comes into my heart,
Jesus, your Sweet Lamb, thinks he is resting in you !…
So St. Therese continues...
While waiting for Heaven, O my dear Mother,
I want to live with you, to follow you each day.
Mother, contemplating you, I joyfully immerse myself,
Discovering in your heart abysses of love.
Your motherly gaze banishes all my fears.
It teaches me to cry, it teaches me to rejoice.
Instead of scorning pure and simple joys,
You want to share in them, you deign to bless them.
Not flesh of my flesh,
Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it.
(Poem by Fleur Conkling Heyliger)
